I Want You Back
by froandcalzona
Summary: Calzona One-shot - set two years after the divorce. Revelations and thoughts from Callie's perspective. Prompted by the Jackson 5 song I Want You Back second chapter now added with Arizona POV inspired by the Adele song All I Ask
1. Chapter 1

I Want You Back

Two years. It's been two years since I walked out of that therapist's office and left the love of my life behind. Looking back now I know it was worth the pain. We'd been drowning for a while, desperately kicking at the water trying to resurface, as one of us came up for air the other was dragged under. Suffocating the life out of each other. The love was suffocating, yes there was love right until the end but the wrong kind of love. A love so consuming we were both blind to the damage that was being done until it was too late. I have no doubt of her love, I have no doubt of my own. The love was why we fought for so long, why we'd argue so passionately, why I was able to walk away. I wanted so much for her, I loved her enough to know that without me she could thrive again. I could thrive again. And together we could thrive for our daughter.

Sofia. For months after that day she was the only reason I got up in the morning, she was my inspiration, my reason to live. For the days I was crippled with doubt, that id made the wrong decision, that I needed her back, that I could only ever feel whole again if I was back in her arms, those were the days I leaned on our daughter. She became my rock, I became a dedicated mother, she my company, my confidant. It sounds funny I know confiding in a 4 year old but it has its advantages. Children don't judge, they are blunt for sure, but some days that is what I needed. This little girl was now the soul that held my entire heart. Or at least I had been foolish enough to believe that for well over a year after that day. How wrong I was, Sofia was OUR daughter after all.

I couldn't avoid her for the rest of my life. I'd have to interact with her eventually. We work together for goodness sake! Her friends are my friends, we cross paths in more ways than not. Sure those first months were the hardest. Elevator rides filled with awkward silences, polite smiles that didn't quite meet the eyes, pain filled glances that even I was guilty of. But the dark clouds that had covered the two of us for years, not just after we split, gradually lifted. We were living again, not just simply existing for the sake of being alive. The two of us were at the top our medical fields at the height of ground breaking research and surgeries. We were able to hold civil conversation, work together with positive outcomes both as surgeons and as mothers to our beautiful daughter. That spark has returned in her eyes. That spark that made me fall in love with her all those years ago. She walks around the hospital with a spring in her step, the perk back in her voice and devotion to her patients as strong as ever. Watching her interact with our daughter only confirmed this return, apparently Sofia is her reason to live too. Watching the two gives me comfort the most that I made the right decision in setting us both free. We are both happier, healthier individuals than we were two years ago.

Sofia has been our mutual ground throughout these two years, our main source of interaction. By now we are able to spend time together the three of us as a family unit again. It started out with short lunches in day-care at the hospital, those turned into early dinners together until Sofia's bedtime that were spent at whoever's house she was scheduled at that night. This leading to outings on shared days off. It happened so naturally that neither of us thought much of it. We began to spend time together without Sofia, sharing a glass of wine after she'd gone to sleep or grabbing a coffee together before work. She slowly became my bestfriend and me hers.

This is how I came to find myself heading to her house after my shift had ended for a much needed family fun night with her and Sofia. I knock on the front door and am met with no answer, strange. It is only then that I hear the music, no wonder they'd not let me they'd probably not heard the door over the noise. I pull out the key she'd given me a few weeks ago so I could let myself and Sofia in if ever she was stuck at work later than expected. I gently let myself in and the sight I'm greeted with in the living room takes the air from my lungs.

Swaying and jumping to the music that fills the house, childishly moving about to the infectious rhythm of whatever was on the radio, is the light of my life, Arizona Robbins. Wait, what? Sofia. We meant Sofia, right brain? Sofia is dancing too, it's an easy mistake. So Sofia, ok.

She giggles as the beat kicks up. Her hair falls softly in ringlets framing her pretty face that is wearing that signature super magic, dimple popping smile. Her blue eyes still yet to notice my presence in the doorway. Hang on, you're doing it again, you're supposed to be thinking of how adorable your daughter looks dancing with her momma, your ex-wife. Oh right yes, my ex-wife, Arizona, Arizona who has finally seen me standing here.

Her smile widens as she watches me observe the cute scene of mother and daughter, so does our daughters.

"Mami!" Sofia runs and jumps into my arms , at five years old it won't be much longer that I can keep picking her up like this, " Me and Momma are having a dance party , you can too now you're here!"

"Is that so Mija, I suppose Mami could join in if that's ok with you and Momma?" I glance over to Arizona who nods enthusiastically with that spark burning in her eyes as strong as ever.

"Yay!" Sofia eagerly pulls me into the middle of the room as a new song begins on the radio.

 **Just let me tell you now,**

 **When I had you to myself, I didn't want you around,**

 **Those pretty face always made you stand out in a crowd..**.

Sofia grabs mine and Arizona's hand and hops about between us as a young Michael Jackson fills the room with a cheerful melody. Our five year old energetically bounces out of our grasps and on to the couch to jump as the chorus kicks in.

 **Oh baby, give me one more chance  
(Show you that I love you)  
Won't you please let me  
Back in your heart**

 **Oh darlin', I was blind to let you go  
(Let you go, baby)  
But now since I see you in his arms  
(I want you back)**

 **Yes, I do now  
(I want you back)  
Ooh ooh, baby  
(I want you back)  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
(I want you back)  
Na na na na**

I'm not sure if it was impulse or reflex that led me to spin Arizona into my arms as the next verse comes in as I sing into her ear.

 **Tryin' to live without your love is one long sleepless night  
Let me show you, girl, that I know wrong from right  
Every street you walk on, I leave tear stains on the ground  
Following the girl, I didn't even want around**

We continue to sway together as I sing, unknown to us that our daughter had since stopped dancing and was now watching intently as her mother's interact in a way that they haven't in, to a five year old, what seems like forever.

 **Forget what happened then  
(I want you back)  
Let me live again**

 **Oh baby, I was blind to let you go**

I don't feel the sincerity of what I am singing until I'm face to face with those blue eyes that have had the ability to capture my soul on countless occasions and fade out the world around us. Right now it is just the two of us and I know that I was a fool. Of course she still holds part of my heart. She was and still is the love of my life. Sofia AND her share my heart. That much hasn't changed in two years but we have. We are better people. I made the right decision that day, we needed that divorce we've needed those two years to grow and heal .Yet after all I still love her. If it's possible I've fallen in love with her all over again as we've developed a friendship and strong family unit with Sofia. I want her. I want her and Sofia to fill my future.

 **Oh baby, I need one more chance, ha  
I tell ya that I love you  
Baby, baby, baby**

I dip Arizona and draw her back up to my face as the song ends.

"You guys are supposed to kiss now!" My little girl prompts. Right on Sof, I knew there was a reason I loved my daughter. I turn my attention back to Arizona who I still hold close in my arms. I see her eyes darken, a sign I know means I can do exactly as Sofia says and kiss the love of my life.

I lean forward connecting my lips to hers, the electricity is instant I know she feels it too from the whimper that escapes her mouth. Two year we've been subconsciously waiting for this. We are one again, our family is reunited completely. As much as I want to deepen this intimate rediscovery I become suddenly aware of the child that is still very much staring. And squealing, and cheering.

As we both pull away and lock eye's our daughter throws herself into our arms and hugs us tightly.

"I love you mommies!" our excited infant expresses.

I'm still yet to break eye contact with the beautiful blonde that captivates my love, she is the same. I continue to hold my gaze as I say, "I love you too Mija, I love your Momma just as much".

Arizona's eyes fill with tears as she speaks, "oh calliope I've missed you."

Yes we are certainly thriving now, about damn time.


	2. Chapter 2

Arizona POV

It's one of those days in Seattle where the weather can't decide what it wants to do, the result, an absent minded drizzle that reflects the low sun off every damp surface. Just like the windscreen of my SUV. Usually id be pissed, because although the rain is light not nearly enough residents of the city brave a brisk walk opting for their carbon leaking metal on wheels - says the woman sat in her own vehicle. Still the traffic is going to make my usual 10 minute commute to Grey Sloan that little bit longer. BUT that's ok today, everything is ok today. Everything is going to be ok from now on because she's mine again. My light, my warmth, the love of my life, my own reflection of sunshine in the rain. My Calliope.

Did last night really happen? I'd think it really was a dream however the buzz from my phone before I got in the car was able to put to rest that particular worry.

 _Last night was perfect, I've missed having you in my arms when I wake up. I hope Sof didn't wake when I left. We'll have to talk to her at some point. Coffee date when you get to the mad house? I love you x x_

Last night really was perfect. After we spent a good couple of hours wearing out our 5 year old with more dancing, pizza and board games, we spent the night rediscovering each-other. Taking part in a very different dance that only the two of us know how to perfect. All too familiar yet with a hint of something new charged with emotion. Not in a million years did I think last night that my entire life would fall back into place. That my little world would settle back into its intended orbit. To say I'm still in disbelief would be an understatement, in disbelief yes, yet immensely happy all the same. I had honestly believed over these past two years that I'd found happiness in being a single mother, in co-parenting with Callie. Oh how stupid I have been. I could never be truly happy without being able to call her mine. Without her and Sofia happy is merely a word tossed around to stop the prying questions.

Ah prying questions, no doubt Callie and I, will have a few new ones to answer from everyone at work. From the outside it may look like we work among the most nosy and judging bunch of misfits ever. In reality we are one big dysfunctional family. Yes, there will be questions, just like after the divorce, but they mean well. So maybe they know no boundaries, maybe to other people the questions might seem too personal, but it's just because they care. Like we do them. After the split I know we both took strength from this care. Me with Alex and April. Callie with Meredith and Owen. Those first few months made more bearable from the support we found in our friends. I mean credit to the lot of them not once did anyone take sides, gosh I guess we should probably apologize to them at some point we must have put them in one hell of an awkward position at times. Yet they all stuck it out with us and when the clouds lifted and the awkwardness disappeared with it they helped put us both back together again. They all helped, whether it was a sarcastic comment about a patient from Alex intended to bring a smile to my face when I was in a particularly somber mood or an offer of babysitting Sofia from April when mine and Callies schedules clashed to avoid argument. All these little things have helped keep ourselves together for 2 years. Of course Sofia will have her own questions on Momma and Mami being together again, those will no doubt be the hardest. Which is why Calliope crept out the house this morning before our princess woke up because as much as we love our little cherub, we did not want to deal with those question this early in the morning.

I am torn out of my thoughts by the queue of cars I'm faced with as I turn the first corner from dropping Sofia off at school, oh this journey is going to be torturous , I just want to get to the hospital to my awaiting brunette. I may have seen her a little over an hour ago but gosh do I miss her already. After experiencing 2 years without her touch I never want to experience any length of time without it again, no matter how small.

I decide to turn on the car radio to help ease the slowly growing impatience I have in getting to work. Finding all the stations filled with endless early morning nonsense I switch the CD I've been sporting for the last couple weeks. Damn this British chick can sing I think as the sweet harmonies of Adele fill the silence of my driving. As the gentle opening bars of piano play to track 10 I reach over to switch the song but pause my hand over the button. Today is different than yesterday. Today Calliope is mine. Today the words won't hurt like they did before. Today this song is just a beautiful reminder of a necessary break in our own love story. So I listen on …

 **I will leave my heart at the door**  
 **I won't say a word**  
 **They've all been said before**

I remember the first time I listened to this song. Coming off of an especially long and difficult shift at the hospital in which id lost one of my long term tiny humans. To top of the same day a collision on the freeway caused an influx of little children with broken bones to enter the ER just as my shift was due to finish, resulting in a grueling surgery on a 10 year old. Operating for hours across the table from Calliope. I marveled in her work and treatment of the boy we saved but what stung was the sickening friendliness we showed each-other. It had felt so unnatural, my Calliope, my once wife, exchanging pleasantries with me as if we were two strangers on an elevator in passing. So on the drive home as I paid close attention to the lyrics in attempt to drown out the thoughts of the past 24 hours, I had to pull to the side of the road.

 **So why don't we just play pretend**  
 **Like we're not scared of what is coming next**  
 **Or scared of having nothing left**

It was as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of my lungs, leaving a piercing sense of memory behind. The night before the last session of therapy. The night we made love for the last time. The night that haunted my dreams and captivated my thoughts. I remember thinking at the time that it was healing, that it signified the in home separation had worked. But since its passing I knew it had been goodbye. Maybe Callie didn't know it that night, but for months I felt such anger that maybe she'd known that maybe she'd been saying goodbye. That maybe I was a fool for walking into that session the next day with more hope than I'd felt in weeks. Only to be crushed by her admission.

 **If this is my last night with you**  
 **Hold me like I'm more than just a friend**

The word's hit too close to home. Our last night, it had been oh so tender, full of love and emotion, so raw and real. She was always more than just a friend, even after our first kiss in the bar bathroom the connection was instant. Listening to the lyrics I couldn't imagine a time when Callie would ever be just a friend to me. Seriously, how can the love of your life ever be JUST a friend. And it was that realization and accuracy of the song that had me skipping to track 11 whenever I heard those opening bars. Not today though today i will listen and embrace what has been.

 **I don't need your honesty**  
 **It's already in your eyes**

As I allow myself to appreciate the song I realize that it still fits even after yesterday. My Calliope has always had the most expressive eyes. Back then and now I can still see her honesty in those beautiful brown orbs. "I want so much for you, Arizona - for both of us," I can still see it so clearly when I looked into her eyes that day I knew she meant those words and I knew it hurt her just as much as it did me to hear them. Her eyes have always betrayed her true feelings, and that day I saw nothing but honesty and pain. It was one of the reasons I didn't chase her out of that room and beg, I could see it was over finally. She just saw it that little bit sooner. And now last night, I know without a doubt that Calliope is as committed to this fresh start as I am. As I gazed into her eyes last night I knew this was it, the last chance and only chance I need because I'm never letting her go again.

 **No one knows me like you do**  
 **And since you're the only one that matters**  
 **Tell me who do I run to?**

I can remember now in the weeks following the divorce feeling so lost. Despite the greatest support from my friends I felt isolated and alone. I didn't have the one person I usually turned to to make things better. I remember coming out of long surgeries full of adrenaline and having been so focused for a period of time id forget everything that had happened and start to head to Callies office or pull out my phone to text her and tell her about the surgery I'd just rocked and then I'd remember and the pain return. The pain that would leave me escaping to the nearest on-call room before I broke down in public. She was and still is all that mattered. She's the one id run to with everything and to lose that was alienating. It took a long time for me to adjust and accept that I couldn't just talk to her any-more because she was no longer mine that privilege had gone. This fresh start is the only chance I need to get that back, my bestfriend, my lover, my everything.

 **Let this be our lesson in love**  
 **Let this be the way we remember us ,**

 **I don't wanna be cruel or vicious**

Maybe the break really was just a necessary step to our forever, a way for me both to learn from our mistakes and to understand how pitiful life could feel without her. A lesson that has taught me that I don't need much but I do need Calliope, I need Callie and I need Sofia anything else is just a bonus. I don't even need two legs to be happy. As I now reflect on that last night I don't feel anger for Callie anymore, I think there will always be a sadness, but not anger and definitely not hate. She saved us and what appeared as cruel or malicious of her at the time by getting my hopes up now feels like a blessing.

 **Give me a memory I can use**

The number of times I recounted that night over the last two years is countless I took comfort from knowing that at the end we still had passion and there was still love, that I must have done something right. That night had given me something to remember, I dare not think of what these past two year would've felt like if I couldn't remember our last time together as though the magic had never happened. In retrospect I'm grateful for that night.

 **It matters how this ends**

 **Cause what if I never love again?**

As the song drew to an end I was struck again by the realness of the lyrics. One of my biggest fears and thoughts that id struggled to accept over the past two years was the reality that maybe Callie was my last real love. That no one else would compare to what we had shared, than id never find that happiness and intensity again with someone else. And that fact still remains true I never did find that degree of feeling again not with any of the dates I'd had since the split. This second chance is not one I will take lightly I think as I pull into park at the hospital.

After the initial traffic I manage to make it to work a little over 5 minutes later than planned as I rush to meet my angel at the coffee cart up on peds. As I turn the corner I pause for a moment to admire her beauty before she notices me, how did I ever get so lucky?

"Oh hey there you are, I was beginning to…"

I cut whatever she was going to say off with a kiss so intense that it made both our knees go weak.

"Um, wow, ok so not that I am complaining but what was that for?" she asks me slightly flustered from my forcefulness.

"I never did love again Calliope."


End file.
